So after last week hiatus, I have been getting back to pounding on my website.  I have a lot of work to do, to get the programming right and get all the script to work.  I also have to edit some video and do some animations.  I really want this part to be over, I am kinda tired of working on the site, but want to make sure something looks good as well as works good as well. 

It’s a lot of stuff.  So I was thinking today about doing the things that I like to do and not doing the things I don’t like to do.  I guess if we have a goal, we still work to finishing it.  It’s not a time to stop yet, but a time to keep on trekking through and at least finishing parts.  I always feel like I am doing everything all the time.  I wish I could just focus on one thing, but there are to many things to do.  It like I am running an operating my own studio that does everything.  I would like to get back to directing again.  I miss it and would like to work with actors that I love. 

Thant’s just what is on my mind today.

So it’s around 5am this morning and my birthday is Thursday.  Wow I’m so excited.  Well not really.  I pretty much felt like I did last year and around this time and now I have less of a desire to keep moving forward.  Maybe I could just be in a rut or perhaps not, but I’m scared and not willing to try anymore to look for work.  Maybe I should seek some counseling or better yet just give up all together.  I’ve tried to stay positive, but I realize that I am who I am and nothing can change that.  No matter how hard I try or try to convince myself that things will work out in the end, I am starting to believe that the path that I have chosen is not in my destiny and I feel like a wandering soul.  I’ve always wanted to identify with something greater or a group/job and people whom share similar values, but no matter how hard I try, no one seems to want me.  It’s like I’m reliving my youth and I see the same patterns reoccurring. 

On a lighter side, I’m finishing up with my Project Management Class tonight.

I feel like I fell on my head today.  Maybe I just have too much stress.  So how do I make changes in my life that I feel take too long.  I guess what I mean is that it takes time to do things and there are a lot of things that I want to do and learn so I need to make a schedule for myself.  Not much more to say at all.  Checking out for the evening.  Good Night!

I don’t have a picture to post today and I know I haven’t posted in a while.  So it’s another day and a new month and I am grateful I have a wonderful someone to take care of me through these hard times.  I still haven’t found any work yet and I need to stay positive.  I really don’t know what else to do.  I worked on my resume, maybe I should resend them out again.  I’m also having a hard time figuring out what I want to do for a career.  I just need to stick to my guns and do the things that I know how to do.  I have been working on my film again and hope that getting the website up soon will act as some catalyst for me.  No matter what anyone else says I need to keep trucking find a way or die trying.  

I also have been working out again and trying to be more healthy now that I have so much free time on my hands.  No excuses.  

I’m sensing some great things for this month, and they are only going to get better.

So another day passes..  I keep listening to the news and see an all time high in unemployment rates and find myself as one of those numbers.  Although this fact, I have been busy.  I had an awesome opportunity to produce, direct and edit a music video for an up and coming artist.  I’m now in the editing phase and the rough cut is done.  I hope to get some good notes back and more forward in the visual effects of the video.  Yeah Fun! 

I really learned a lot about working with people on this project and I am also learning a lot about myself as the times passes that I do not have a full-time job.  Taking on a lot of responsibility is a big job and I seem to try to do everything and maybe that may not be the right thing for me in the future.  I am still pondering the question but I do have the drive and desire to succeed. 

I am also really missing working in my field of motion capture and keep looking for a job to keep me on that path.  I’ve had great opportunities in the past, but now I need to keep my strength up and use this to manifest a job in the near future. 

So what did I do and what am I good at? 

I worked as a motion tracker and did other tasks of sorts in the motion capture field.  I am competent of my work and know I can do a great job if given the opportunity.  That is pretty much the bottom line.  At this time, it doesn’t seem to be a good choice to make a change in my field, but to rather follow the path of where I was going.  I really would love to work in the capacity of a production coordinator on a motion capture film, but I need to have some more proven experience, or perhaps someone who will believe in me.  I loved working at the last job I was at more than anything, but really regret that I never had an opportunity to do the job I was initially hired for and yes that really bums me out, but I met some awesome people along the way.  I wonder if this was Karma or just my own doing?

In another hand there is the opportunity for me to start my own small production company in the Orange County area and provide video and web assistance to small business owners, but this too is a very hard thing to do.  I have to develop a business plan for starters and on top of that, I need to market myself and learn how much to really charge for my services and how to write up contracts that are specific.  Without a mentor in the production field, I feel I am having a tough time, but tough times are needed in order for people to learn lessons about their own lives and the lives of others.  That goodness that I have the OCIWE to help me through the necessary phases.

On another hand, I really want to work more on my social skills and become a better entrepreneur and employee.  People can really make judgement calls based on petty things and I am really looking to work with a group of people who are supportive and dedicated.  Pretty much sometimes I feel like an outsider and need to have the confidence to make it through the day.  Confidence is key to success.

I would also like to say that I am really grateful for having good friends and family in my life. My friend Manny and boyfriend Corey have been really supportive in my time of need, as well as my mother and father.  I have been feeling a little anxious lately but really think that is because I am not working.  I went to the Crystal Cathedral today with my friend to pray.  I pretty much asked God for a sign of some sorts to provide me security of which is the right path in my life and what I need to do to stay on the path.  As I heard a guru once say “There are many paths you can take, but if you take the wrong one, you have to go back and travel even more to reach your eventual destination.”  Whether or not that may be true, I have to really keep my intuitive sense open and be ready for any challenges that may face ahead in the future.  Like I said I am grateful to have others help me in my life, but I would rather be independent and secure with myself.

So no matter where you may be these days, be thankful and gracious and look towards a better future and utilize the present as much as you can.  The present is all we have, we can’t change the past and no one really knows what’s in store for us in the future.