So it’s around 5am this morning and my birthday is Thursday.  Wow I’m so excited.  Well not really.  I pretty much felt like I did last year and around this time and now I have less of a desire to keep moving forward.  Maybe I could just be in a rut or perhaps not, but I’m scared and not willing to try anymore to look for work.  Maybe I should seek some counseling or better yet just give up all together.  I’ve tried to stay positive, but I realize that I am who I am and nothing can change that.  No matter how hard I try or try to convince myself that things will work out in the end, I am starting to believe that the path that I have chosen is not in my destiny and I feel like a wandering soul.  I’ve always wanted to identify with something greater or a group/job and people whom share similar values, but no matter how hard I try, no one seems to want me.  It’s like I’m reliving my youth and I see the same patterns reoccurring. 

On a lighter side, I’m finishing up with my Project Management Class tonight.

I feel like I fell on my head today.  Maybe I just have too much stress.  So how do I make changes in my life that I feel take too long.  I guess what I mean is that it takes time to do things and there are a lot of things that I want to do and learn so I need to make a schedule for myself.  Not much more to say at all.  Checking out for the evening.  Good Night!

So I am up early again.  I pretty much fell asleep yesterday around 7:45pm.  Wow I am so boring.  But I could barely keep my eyes open I was so tired.  So I saw a movie yesterday and the day before and I am planning to do some reviews as part of a new section of this blog and possibly for my live stream and youtube.  I really need to develop my brand name in a sense and create more content.  I had previously worked on a video that I had made, but have not uploaded it to youtube yet, and I do need to finish my edit for the New Balance video as well.  Just releasing some things from the back corners of my mind.  So I read an interesting article yesterday about a family receiving money because of a blog.  I thought it was great,  I’m wondering how I can turn that around so that I can be a student in need of finishing her film.  As everyday passes I seem to go more and more insane.  I pretty much want a job, but know that I probably won’t find one till after the new year. 

I went out with my dad yesterday and we watched a movie and went out to eat.  He is very nice and he loves me a lot, which is awesome.  He is my dad!  But we were talking about how this Christmas wasn’t that good.  He said to me maybe next year will be better and I said to him, “that’s what you said last year.”  We both laughed and the then our laughs became silent.  Ahh. 

Things will pick up soon.  I need to continue working on the music video and keep trucking on that end.  Also I need to send out more resumes.  I really hate looking for a job, maybe someday, people will be calling me up for work and I won’t have a problem having to look, but have the opportunity to turn things down.  How lucky that would be.

So late Merry Christmas everyone and I wish everyone a Happy New Year.  Maybe next year will be better!

So I haven’t posted in a while and maybe I’ve gotten a tad lazy.  So it’s time to pep it up.  Utterly, I feel like I don’t fit in to the norms of society and at times I feel I have moments of greatness and expertise.  But those are times…  So what to write about today.  I guess the first thing is realizing what I’m really worth.  Worth as an artist in a more focused way to speak.  Realizing that if you sell yourself out in sorts to get work at times that you may get abused or used in a way.  Maintaining dignity and self respect at some level is necessary in having boundaries. 

I’ve almost pretty much given up on finding a real job, where I punch in 8-5 for the life of somone with no security, but I still maintain my dreams and my aspiration.  As someone wise once said,  “no one can take your knowledge or experiences away from you”.  Creating is just that it’s different everytime, coming up with new things and concepts.  New looks, new words, new music, new lyrics.  There is always something that inspiries us to go out and show the world that we are made of something. 

Since the article is called Black Sheep, I’m almost ready to just go out on a limb and change job goals on my work related website to pretty much say Director.  I’ve pretty much given up on finding a job that does not involve this and I think I am ready for a change.  No matter who it might turn away.  I have dreams and goals in this life that I want to accomplish and no one is going to get in my way.

I am here to create, inspire, lead, teach and most of all learn.

This weekend I was pretty much fixated on my online learning and the very large fires in Orange and Los Angeles County.  How horrible is that, that so many people lost their homes this weekend.  This is all we need a tough economic crisis and now a natural disaster. 

In the evening on Saturday, my friend Manny and I decided to drive out in Anaheim HIlls (where I live) and take a look at the Yorba Linda fire.  The fire crested over the hill and embers blew onto houses that were situated upon the hill.  While we were watching from our location, other people drove their cars and parked and got out, about 15 people were watching intrigued by the devastation that was happening before our eyes.

I’m thankful that the fires didn’t come any closer than it did.  I’ve lived in Orange County for almost 25 years and have never seen the fires get as close to where I live and it was a little frightening.