So after last week hiatus, I have been getting back to pounding on my website.  I have a lot of work to do, to get the programming right and get all the script to work.  I also have to edit some video and do some animations.  I really want this part to be over, I am kinda tired of working on the site, but want to make sure something looks good as well as works good as well. 

It’s a lot of stuff.  So I was thinking today about doing the things that I like to do and not doing the things I don’t like to do.  I guess if we have a goal, we still work to finishing it.  It’s not a time to stop yet, but a time to keep on trekking through and at least finishing parts.  I always feel like I am doing everything all the time.  I wish I could just focus on one thing, but there are to many things to do.  It like I am running an operating my own studio that does everything.  I would like to get back to directing again.  I miss it and would like to work with actors that I love. 

Thant’s just what is on my mind today.

I don’t have a picture to post today and I know I haven’t posted in a while.  So it’s another day and a new month and I am grateful I have a wonderful someone to take care of me through these hard times.  I still haven’t found any work yet and I need to stay positive.  I really don’t know what else to do.  I worked on my resume, maybe I should resend them out again.  I’m also having a hard time figuring out what I want to do for a career.  I just need to stick to my guns and do the things that I know how to do.  I have been working on my film again and hope that getting the website up soon will act as some catalyst for me.  No matter what anyone else says I need to keep trucking find a way or die trying.  

I also have been working out again and trying to be more healthy now that I have so much free time on my hands.  No excuses.  

I’m sensing some great things for this month, and they are only going to get better.

So another day passes..  I keep listening to the news and see an all time high in unemployment rates and find myself as one of those numbers.  Although this fact, I have been busy.  I had an awesome opportunity to produce, direct and edit a music video for an up and coming artist.  I’m now in the editing phase and the rough cut is done.  I hope to get some good notes back and more forward in the visual effects of the video.  Yeah Fun! 

I really learned a lot about working with people on this project and I am also learning a lot about myself as the times passes that I do not have a full-time job.  Taking on a lot of responsibility is a big job and I seem to try to do everything and maybe that may not be the right thing for me in the future.  I am still pondering the question but I do have the drive and desire to succeed. 

I am also really missing working in my field of motion capture and keep looking for a job to keep me on that path.  I’ve had great opportunities in the past, but now I need to keep my strength up and use this to manifest a job in the near future. 

So what did I do and what am I good at? 

I worked as a motion tracker and did other tasks of sorts in the motion capture field.  I am competent of my work and know I can do a great job if given the opportunity.  That is pretty much the bottom line.  At this time, it doesn’t seem to be a good choice to make a change in my field, but to rather follow the path of where I was going.  I really would love to work in the capacity of a production coordinator on a motion capture film, but I need to have some more proven experience, or perhaps someone who will believe in me.  I loved working at the last job I was at more than anything, but really regret that I never had an opportunity to do the job I was initially hired for and yes that really bums me out, but I met some awesome people along the way.  I wonder if this was Karma or just my own doing?

In another hand there is the opportunity for me to start my own small production company in the Orange County area and provide video and web assistance to small business owners, but this too is a very hard thing to do.  I have to develop a business plan for starters and on top of that, I need to market myself and learn how much to really charge for my services and how to write up contracts that are specific.  Without a mentor in the production field, I feel I am having a tough time, but tough times are needed in order for people to learn lessons about their own lives and the lives of others.  That goodness that I have the OCIWE to help me through the necessary phases.

On another hand, I really want to work more on my social skills and become a better entrepreneur and employee.  People can really make judgement calls based on petty things and I am really looking to work with a group of people who are supportive and dedicated.  Pretty much sometimes I feel like an outsider and need to have the confidence to make it through the day.  Confidence is key to success.

I would also like to say that I am really grateful for having good friends and family in my life. My friend Manny and boyfriend Corey have been really supportive in my time of need, as well as my mother and father.  I have been feeling a little anxious lately but really think that is because I am not working.  I went to the Crystal Cathedral today with my friend to pray.  I pretty much asked God for a sign of some sorts to provide me security of which is the right path in my life and what I need to do to stay on the path.  As I heard a guru once say “There are many paths you can take, but if you take the wrong one, you have to go back and travel even more to reach your eventual destination.”  Whether or not that may be true, I have to really keep my intuitive sense open and be ready for any challenges that may face ahead in the future.  Like I said I am grateful to have others help me in my life, but I would rather be independent and secure with myself.

So no matter where you may be these days, be thankful and gracious and look towards a better future and utilize the present as much as you can.  The present is all we have, we can’t change the past and no one really knows what’s in store for us in the future.

Before night of awesomeness… I’m pretty sure I was so excited that I gave off so much electrical energy and fizzled out one of my PC monitors.  All throughout the day I kept on thinking about what to expect of the night, whether or not the show would be great and what guest performers Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears would do?  I did my hair and makeup and put on my planned outfit for the evening and was ready to have some fun.  As some of you may or may not know, I am the biggest Madonna fan ever.  I told myself I was no longer going to sit in the cheap seats.  Her tickets at $350.00 plus Ticketmaster’s over exorbitant fees, no one I knew would spend that amount of money to see her.  But for me it was Madonna, my music icon and my most favorite singer/songwriter of all time.  Long story short, I went alone and for the first time and I enjoyed myself more than words could say.

I even bought this awesome tour jacket.

No one to hear complain was the best and no drama this time. It was only me the crowd, the stage and Madge herself.  I completely went wild singing, dancing, screaming and even crying. I cried because I really related with Madonna’s music and her lyrics about relationships and life.  Even though I don’t know her, I feel that we may have somethings in common, or possibly its just my perception of what I think the lyrics and music to mean to me.  The show was more than I expected and at the end she called everyone to get closer so she could see us.  So I ran so fast and busted my way through the yellow jacketed security guards and made it to about 10 feet away from her.  I could barely contain myself; I thought my head was going to explode.  Catharsis is the only word that can describe that night.

So why am I a huge Madonna fan?  There are some concrete reasons such as music/lyrics, the stellar performer and the power of a woman to stay on top in her field.  The other reasons are for things that I just can’t seem to name and only I know that there is a feeling that connects me to her.  I have been a fan since the beginning of her career.  Now I’m 30 and every new album that comes out I have to get.  Whether you love or hate her, you have to admit that she has been able to keep her star from fizzling out and dying.  Madonna gives me inspiration to accomplish my dreams, no matter what they be.  She confirms my confidence in life to enjoy it, to sing, create, dance and not be worried what other people may think about you.

Some general thoughts.  Instead of living in fear and frustration, enjoy the things and people you have around you.  They are your support.  Be happy to try new things and venture out from practices that you normally know.  Make time to enjoy your own skin, whether it be dancing, singing, appreciating and loving yourself.  Be willing to share these moments with others as for being happy is contagious and inspiring to others.

In regards to a special request,  I’m going to post my performance of Express Yourself.  It may be a little provocative, but that’s Madonna for you.  This video was from Pala Casino’s Employee Talent Show back in 2004.  At that time I was working as a cocktail waitress for a while during my interim of being accepted to graduate school.  I started working at the casino so that I could pay off my student loans and see what working life might bring me.  I learned quickly that being there was not the life for me and knew that I really needed to be in a creative career, in a creative environment.  I left the casino for graduate school to realize my dreams of directing and motion capture technology.  Yeah it might be a strange combination especially for a girl.  But if you set your mind to anything you can accomplish the highest of feats.  We put a man on the moon didn’t we?

Hopefully this video inspires you or makes you smile if you know me.  If you come across this and you love it of hate it, let that be your prerogative.  Being Madonna is a hard job.  I don’t know how she can do it for 2 and 1/2 hours a night.  I could barely make it 5 minutes if that.  You go girl!

 

So just one more night until the ghouls and little goblins come out to play.  Knocking on doors and tricking or treating.  I heard a really cute Halloween costume today.  A young boy was with his parents last year and he knocked on the door.  His costume was similar to the Verizon Wireless guy and his parents were the network outside.  What a really cute idea and a cute idea for a commercial.  That was cute and brightened my day.

Well I thought I would be nice tonight to my man and take him out to one of our favorite places.  Koji’s Shabu-Shabu how great was that.  I enjoyed every minute being with him and we had tons of fun people watching and stealing kisses during our dinner.  *Sweet*

So I think I just might get down to business today in a small sense.  I’ve been taking lots of pictures today for ebay and I am one point away from my first yellow star.  Yeah.  I hope I will get it soon.  So what I need to do now is get a job, find some sources of additional income and be persistent in what I want to do.  I was thinking of hiring a professional resume service today, but think I would utilize the money better now at this time rather than spending it on my resume, which I should have no trouble writing.

From here we seem to be the worst critique of ourselves.  We are rarely ever satisfied and we always leave wanting more.  I am a true American.  Sorry this post is short this time around, but I’m getting a little tired and I want to head to bed soon.  I’ll be fixated on CNN on election day.